Things I’m Pondering Volume 2

I’ve been bouncing around a lot this month, mostly in my head, some out of it. What can I say, I really enjoy THINKING, which not to be confused with RUMINATING. Ruminating is bad, m’kay?

I’ve mentioned previously that I’m participating in a 10-month mentorship program. I’m getting immense value from my relationship with my mentor. In the last few weeks, the switch finally flipped and things are starting to snowball for me, which is amazing. I’m lighter, free-er, and oh so much more open. Like WIDE open. While I originally thought I’d be working on my business acumen, I’ve shifted to getting back in touch with my creativity and the ways in which that creativity strengthens me. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.

I’m wrapping up Week 13 of Bigness Project, a hypertrophy program written by Kourtney Thomas and Jen Sinkler (who is one my favorite people I’ve never met…one day), and with only one week left I’m beyond proud of myself. I’m actually FINISHING! This has been about rewriting my story about being a quitter (I’m NOT) and really just seeing what my body can do. I cannot wait to show you the before and after pics because WOW. Suffice it to say my body LOVES training this way. I’ve fallen back in love with the gym and it’s a boatload of fun.

One of the byproducts of the changes in my body has been noticing how others see (with their eyes) me. This is often a double-edged sword for women. We’re told so many conflicting things about how we should view ourselves, how others are allowed to view us, we’ve experienced so much negative and positive around our appearances that sometimes we aren’t sure what to do. Here’s what I’ve decided for myself: your value isn’t in your appearance. But there is nothing wrong with valuing your appearance or wanting it to be valued by others. This came to me after not once, but twice, men opened the door for me just so they could watch me walk away. And I LIKED it. Note that this wasn’t done in a way that I felt threatening or sleazy. They were simply appreciative. I guess the bottom line is that I get to choose. I get to choose to feel empowered by being appreciated for my appearance, even though I’m so much more than that. After nearly 30 years of hiding, this is a MASSIVE shift for me.

Another thing I’m pondering is around where the line is between compassionate self-improvement and the self-hatred of obsessively striving for better. I don’t have any solid thoughts here yet, only that I’m reaping the benefits of compassionate self-improvement as I write this. As Brené Brown has written, at any given moment we are all doing the best we can. Compassionate self-improvement comes more from acknowledging that making changes is about feeling good whereas obsessive self-improvement is about perfection. It’s letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. It comes at the expense of various things in our lives, such as our relationships. This line may or may not be indelible and its position will vary by person. All I can say with any certainty is that fighting myself has not yielded nearly the results that loving myself has.

Hello 2017

“Who do you look up to? Who leads a life that you find interesting?”

These are questions I asked my 15 year old son on the way home from Christmas with my extended family. Of course, because I was asking him these questions, I had to consider it for myself.

There are many people I admire, whether it be for their professional success or how they show up in their personal lives. But the common thread throughout is this: they are UNAPOLOGETIC. They do things their way, no matter what the naysayers might think, and they show up, every single day.

Here’s the asterisk to that: just because I admire someone doesn’t mean I should do things the way they do them. Have you ever heard the saying “trying to fight a square peg into a round hole”? That’s exactly what it feels like when I try to do things someone else’s way.

Modeling yourself after someone doesn’t mean making yourself a cookie cutter copy. It means you look at their process. It means you look at what, specifically, draws you to that person. For me, it’s that these people are unapologetic and authentic that stands out.

Here’s a really good example: there is one woman who, when I look at her life and her business, I think “I want that”. I am not remotely like her. I’m an introvert, she’s an extrovert. She is supremely confident in her place in this world, her purpose, and who she wants to show up as. She is willing to look fear in the face and push forward anyway. I have those possibilities within me, as do you, but they’re still pretty buried beneath years of “be quiet, you’re too much, who do you think you are”. I find it very helpful to participate in her programs, listen to her podcast, and pay attention, not to WHAT she’s doing, but WHO she is as she’s doing it.

I feel it important to note that I’m not paying attention to WHAT she is doing because I don’t want to BE her. I’m NOT her and therefore shouldn’t do things the way she does. I don’t want to be anyone other than who I am, unapologetically and authentically, and this is something I’ve struggled with since I started coaching because I naively surrounded myself with loads of resources wanting to tell me exactly how to build my business and exactly how to run it. It all felt wrong and inauthentic and forced and I very nearly threw in the towel.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be making some changes to this site and to my social media accounts. “What Health Coaches Eat” is going away in favor of a more authentic URL, as much because health is about so much more than just food as because I have found “What Health Coaches Eat” to be a bit constricting (not something I’d considered when I so enthusiastically bought the URL and built this site around it a year ago). This will also allow for evolution: the evolution of my message, the evolution of my style of coaching, and the evolution of my products and services.

If you follow me on Instagram (@barbara_g_hyatt), you may have seen my post about my intentions for 2017: clarity and ease (not to be confused with “easy” – for me this means that I stop fighting what is). The coming changes are in alignment with these intentions and my hope is that with these changes, my role in all of your lives will also bring clarity and ease.

I’m ready for 2017, are you?